New Beginnings

2024-12-26

I'm about to graduate in a few months, and I'm in my last semester, doing an internship at a place I’ve never been to before. It’s been over a week, and it still feels so surreal, like it’s not real. Sometimes, I catch myself wondering, "Is this really happening?" I’ve never worked in an office before, and everything about it feels different, strange. It’s like I have a hundred eyes on me all the time, and I’m not even sure if I like this experience. Do I? Honestly, not really. Who actually wants to work? If people had a choice, most would probably avoid it. But in India, work is almost like a rule, something expected of you without question. At least it gives you purpose, I guess.

But honestly, I miss home. I miss my family. I miss everything that felt safe, simple, and familiar. I miss the comfort of being around people who care for you, without needing to prove anything. Here, in Mumbai, it’s a whole different world. People are rushing, heads down, glued to their phones, always on a call, running to their offices, like the whole city is trapped in a race. I don’t understand it. Is this what life is? Is work really life? What’s the point of working if you can’t even enjoy life? Aren’t they supposed to be connected? How can you truly live when everything is so rushed, so mechanical, so hollow?

Moving to Mumbai, I finally understood why so many foreigners think India is ugly. And as an Indian, I can’t deny it anymore Mumbai is disgusting. Mumbai is a mess. It's filthy, unhygienic, and chaotic. Every inch of this city is disgusting, and the lack of civic sense is shocking not lack actually there’s no civic sense. People don’t care about cleaning up after themselves, and the air smells like a public restroom, like something no one’s bothered to clean in years. And somehow, all of this has become so normal, so accepted. The noise, the chaos, the constant rush. Is this what everyone calls “the city that never sleeps”? It feels more like a city that never stops suffocating.

I was talking to a cab driver, and he casually told me that autos aren’t allowed in certain areas because it’s a “VIP zone.” I was stunned. Really? Banning affordable transport just because some people are VIPs? Who cares about that when the whole city feels like it’s falling apart? There’s no order, no peace. Just this constant mess. It’s everywhere on my way to the office, and even when I get back to my place. The cramped, overpriced buildings that look like they’ve been built just for the sake of building something. The loud music blaring from neighbors’ homes even at 1 AM, as if the world doesn’t deserve a moment of quiet.

And then, I think about Hyderabad. The peaceful, calm streets, the cleanliness, the order. After coming here to Mumbai, I truly realize how much I took all that for granted. The life here is draining. Every day feels like I’m just going through it the noise, the rush, the mess, just to survive. There’s no joy in it. Just this numbness. This exhaustion. Maybe it’s part of growing up, maybe it’s what everyone talks about when they say “welcome to the real world,” but honestly, I’m not sure I’m ready for it.

Living in a different city has made me appreciate my mom so much more. The work she does every single day cooking 2-3 times a day, cleaning, making sure everything’s in order from the moment she wakes up until she sleeps is something not everyone can do. Men can only dream about it.

I feel like I’m stuck between two worlds the one I came from, full of warmth, comfort, and simplicity, and this cold, chaotic reality that seems to swallow everything whole. There are days when I just want to pack up and go home, back to the life I knew, to the people I love. But then, I wonder if I’ll ever truly fit in here, or if I’m just going to keep drifting, caught in this fast-paced, lifeless current. Maybe it’s all just part of the process, but right now, it doesn’t feel like it.
The real choice is between going back to the comfort of home because I miss my family so much, or staying here, pushing through the challenges, and working towards a future that, hopefully, will be worth it.